Teresa lives in Lancashire; she’s married with two grown up children and a lovely dog called Ollie. Teresa has 4 siblings and was brought up in Salford, her parents were originally from Ireland and were so proud that all of their children graduated from university.  Teresa was a self-employed IT Project Manager before ‘being forced into retirement through caring’.

‘I care for a lot of people’.   Teresa’s caring role started with her best friend, Sarah, but then extended into supporting her sister, her dad and her mum.

Like so many, Covid hit Teresa’s family hard.  ‘Dad had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s but then Mum got ill with an infected gall bladder.  She was admitted to hospital, this was treated, and she was sent home to build her strength up for an operation.  Unfortunately, her gall bladder flared up again, but this time it resulted in a 10-month hospital stay with multiple UTIs.  Mum’s behaviour had drastically changed, Teresa fought for further investigations, a brain scan identified multiple strokes and resulted in a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia.  Mum didn’t settle back home with my dad and moved into the Fountains care home’.

Teresa’s dad stayed at home with increased support from carers and family.  After multiple falls he moved into Pendleton Court and sadly passed away last year.

Can you tell us how you came to be on the Empowered Conversations course?

‘I really struggled when mum was in hospital, it destroyed me that I couldn’t help her. I got in touch with somebody at the hospital who told me about Empowered.  I did the course and then Amanda started supporting me.  I felt deserted by the system, she’d been diagnosed and that was it.  I had to make decisions for mum but didn’t know if they were the right decisions.’

What did Empower change for you, your family and those family members living with dementia?

‘It felt like I had somebody there to help me in one of the most difficult times of my life.  I couldn’t communicate with mum.  I felt like I’d lost her, I couldn’t help her, and I felt totally detached.  The courses educated me, now I have a really good relationship with mum, I’m connected with mum.  To regain this means the world to me.  I can never repay you for that!

Amanda helped me to work through my changing role as a carer.  She provided a sounding board around CHC, Advance Care Planning, DNRs.’

How was this impacting on your own family?

‘My caring roles was putting so much pressure on my family, my husband and my kids.  The knock-on effect was huge.  I felt lost and didn’t know what to do.  I was losing my sounding board (Sarah), my husband is fantastic, but I couldn’t share this with him at the time.  There was a rift growing between me and my family.   On top of all of this it was Covid, and I had a house full, my kids and their partners and two nieces.

I didn’t have the energy to hide my emotions from my family.  My husband or son supported me, they would drive me over to visit mum and sit in the car and wait for me.  Some days I couldn’t check myself before I got back in the car, I was in pieces.  I was broken.  I would have liked to have protected them, but it was too difficult to do that.

Amanda helped me to work through it all, the emotional side, the family conflict, the pressure it was putting on my own family.  The sessions gave me the heads space and a sounding board, if she wasn’t able to help me – she would point me in the right direction.

I don’t think I would have got through all of that without Empowered and I wished I’d known about you from the beginning’.

How is your family life now?

‘My husband is so supportive, he’s great with mum, he’s fantastic.  He’s reflecting my learning.  He’s become a major part of my mum’s life.  We hated that mum was in a care home, so we bought a mobility van to take mum out and about.  It’s the greatest thing.  Even my brother is taking her out now in the van.  I can go and take her out for fish and chips or round the shops or to the garden centre.

I’ve put our lives on hold to care for my friend, sister, dad and mum.  We were planning to travel!  They never make me feel guilty about the time I spend with mum or the late nights I spend writing letters or researching to improve the lives of those I love.

What advice would you give to other people who are caring for a person living with dementia/struggling for a diagnosis?

Keep fighting for a diagnosis.  The NHS are so under-resourced, they’ve not had training.  You’ve got to fight for your loved one to get them the care and support they need.  It’s draining but you have to keep at it.

In the last 2 years we’ve had some quality times, invaluable times.  You’ve got to go through the tough times to get to the good times.  Sometimes there’ll be 3 hours of shouting or hitting when she feels frustrated or bored, and other times I see my mum and it’s all worth it.

Patience and perseverance!

What did you gain from Empowered Carers?

Amanda helped me to understand my feelings and thoughts, I was so messed up, I’ve been to counselling before and understand the process.  Amanda was great.

As an individual you gave me back my mum, I can never repay you for that.  I hated myself so much, I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t like who I’d become.  You enabled me to become a person again so that I could have relationships with my husband and the kids.

Can you describe how Empowered helped you?

Reconnecting with mum.  You gave me my mum back.