Karen lives in Sale with her husband and labradoodle, Ozzy.  They have 3 children, two girls and one son who is profoundly disabled and lives in a nearby residential home.  Karen also has a brother.  She moved to Manchester 2 years ago from Nottingham, ‘most of my family were living around Manchester, so we moved up to be nearer to everyone else, mum came up as well’.

Can you tell us how you found out about Empowered Carers?

I contacted Age UK Trafford for help and advice about mum who was diagnosed with dementia.

How did Empowered Carers support you?

Initially I wanted to get some advice about mum, her dementia was progressing, things were changing on a weekly basis, and I was struggling to get a grip.  I didn’t know who to speak to. I had loads of random info being thrown at me and I couldn’t link it together to find a way through.

Amanda was persistent.  She got in touch with me in the summer.  I said, ‘I can’t deal with it now’.  We’d moved mum from Nottingham to Manchester and I was at mum’s house.  I was surrounded by stuff and didn’t know where to start.  To Amanda’s credit she called me back in a couple of weeks’ time to see how I was, I think it took 3 times calling/emailing before we spoke.  I’m so glad she kept trying!

In the first 2 calls she offered practical advice, which was what I needed at the time.  Nobody else was offering me that.  She was a good listener, she listened to what I needed, others were telling me what they thought I needed.  Amanda took time to listen properly.

By the third session mum had unexpectedly passed away.  I messaged Amanda when mum passed away and thought that might be the end of the sessions.  Instead, Amanda offered me sessions around bereavement.  I didn’t think I had much to talk about.  She somehow makes you realise there is stuff to process and deal with.  I’d start the session feeling fine and slowly she would ask a few questions; she made me realise that I wasn’t ok and that I wasn’t dealing with it as well as I thought.  It was a very gentle way.  She asked questions and I realised that I had feelings of guilt.  What if I hadn’t moved mum to Manchester?  Amanda offered me time to think about this differently.

Amanda was great, we would talk it through, she helped me.  It was nice to have someone with experience there, who had dealt with this before.  I felt like I was the only person dealing with this and questioned why I was the only person struggling?  Amanda made me realise that this wasn’t the case, she gave the practical common-sense support I needed.  It was reassuring.

If I hadn’t had the sessions, I might still be sat thinking the same things, around guilt and everything else.  I feel so much better.  I do think this is down to speaking to Amanda.

What advice would you give to other people who are caring for a person living with dementia/struggling for a diagnosis?

Get advice, speak to somebody about how hard it is.  Don’t think that you can do it all by yourself.  I felt like I was the only one who couldn’t deal with my mum living with Alzheimer’s.  It’s got to be the right person, like Amanda.  I had spoken to Admiral Nurse at mum’s home, she was useless.  Speak to somebody, make sure it’s somebody who has empathy and practical knowledge.  I needed practical help.  This is the bit that fails with other people.

 

In three words can you describe the changes Empowered Carers has supported you?

Practical help and empathy.