Daniella’s mum has Alzheimer’s, she lives at home with her husband and adult son.  ‘Dad tries his best, but he struggles to accept change and what mum’s going through.  He has accepted some help, we now have carers coming in, mum goes to the Age UK Buddy group and to Poppy Day Centre through the week.  I help mum out with a shower twice a week.

My brother helps out around the house, but he doesn’t have the best relationship with mum. He is trying to help, sometimes it doesn’t always help.  He tries to take over tasks from mum, so she might be washing up in cold water and he will insist that he takes over. My sister isn’t on board with everything, she might check in with a text to dad every so often.  Because I work in health, people ring me!

I’m married with two kids, 20 and 18.  My husband really supports me, mum likes him and responds well with him which really helps me out.  The family rely on me and my husband, it’s a role that we’ve taken on over the years.’

Daniella has been a huge advocate of Empowered Conversations and Age UK Salford; she has supported the roll out of Empowered Conversations: Professionals within the Bevan Unit at Salford Royal where she works.  ‘I’ve seen the importance of being in the moment with my mum and try to really focus on how she is feeling even if she can’t tell me with words’.

What advice would you offer others in a similar situation?

‘Get on the communication courses, the benefit from sharing and listening to others is huge.  The courses include a range of techniques, even if you only have one that helps you get through the day it’s worth it.  Invitation to respond has really stuck with me and I’ve shared this with my family.

I really protected my time on the Moving Beyond Words course, I knew it was time just for me.  The breathing was really relaxing.  I’ve tried singing with mum while helping her in the shower, I started ‘I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair’, she looked at me and then started singing back.  It doesn’t always work.  My daughter played mum ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ the other week, I knew mum would start singing and it did make me cry.  I try not to cry around mum, I can see that she still worries about me even if she can’t express this in words.

Mum has been taking part in Music in Mind at the Buddy group, she really enjoys using the musical instruments, so I’ve bought her a set for home.

Mum accepts support from me easier than other family members, she thinks I’m her sister.  I’ve noticed that being in the moment and not rushing her makes a difference to how she feels and how I feel.  The other day some music came on and mum started to dance with me, we had a giggle but I could cry at these moments, it reminds me of what we are losing’.

Can you describe Moving Beyond Words?

Inspiring, re-assuring and I feel confident now.  I really want to do things right; the course has validated that I am doing it right!