Ronelle cares for her mum at home with some support from her husband and other family members. She was referred to Empowered Conversations last year, she has since completed both communication courses and attended Empowered Carers sessions.

“When I did the first course last year, I felt overwhelmed by what it would actually take for me to be a carer for my mum. Even though I had read about dementia, I felt fearful. I was alone with mum most of the time, and didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t understand the progression of the disease or how she was meant to behave.  I felt validated by the course and came to realise that I was not alone in how I was feeling. Because of mum’s visa conditions we will be caring for her at home with no extra social care support available and the courses gave me the tools to care for mum long-term.

 

I’m now putting me first, getting back into ‘my yolk’, has brought my confidence back. I now feel more sociable and less isolated, and when I meet people I’m not just talking about my mum. I am making it a priority to carve out time that is just for me by bringing in a carer for a couple of hours a week even though my mum isn’t very happy with this.

There were so many golden nuggets from the Moving Beyond Words course.  I hadn’t really realised how valuable music can be for someone living with Alzheimer’s and it hadn’t occurred to me to create a playlist of mum’s favourite music.  I thoroughly enjoyed making a playlist for mum and I keep adding to it if I spot that she’s really enjoying a song. She responds to the various songs by singing and dancing along.  I also created a playlist for myself – music was so important when I was younger and I’d forgotten how it could help me with my day.

Something that has really changed is how I approach my mum’s weekly shower. Before the course I wouldn’t give her any warnings or pleasantries, I’d just tell her that she needed to have a shower and that she hadn’t showered for a week. This always ended in conflict with her telling me that she had showered yesterday and we’d end up arguing about it, it was a horrible start to the day.  Moving Beyond Words reminded me about body memory, so she might forget the argument but her body remembered it, I could see the emotional harm I was doing and how it affected her demeanor.  It was really upsetting for me to realise this.

Now as I’m walking up the stairs I might sing a song or clap my hands in tune so that she knows I’m on my way and doesn’t get a fright when I appear in her room.  I’ll call her on the outside of her door.  I’ll go in upbeat, I’ll say, let’s shower today, you’ve got an exciting trip out tomorrow and I’ll blow dry your hair and put that new product on.  There’s no conflict now, no backlash or resistance.  I’m not telling her what to do, I’m using storytelling, changing my tone.  She will still tell me she showered yesterday, but I validate this but tell her about the trip she’s going on.

I feel that these tools have changed my relationship with my mum and have brought us closer to one another. Mum’s posture is now more relaxed and there’s very little conflict. Now she’s cheerful, happy and positive. There’s more agreement and less conflict. I now recognize her struggles with ‘sun-downing’ and I give her space and suggest distractions such as a stroll in the park.